The Absurdist Delights of Facebook Marketplace
In which used teabags, calving knives and second-hand urinals can be yours for a bargain price!
For this edition, I thought I might write about the benefits of time spent alone, or perhaps about health and midlife, or maybe the process of writing a book; but as so often happens, the day escaped me. A sick child meant a morning spent running to the invalid’s bedside like Mrs Carson, and a wildly unpredictable elderly father meant I spent the afternoon at the hospital after Dad got stung by five wasps, rage-bombed them with a flame thrower and then had a funny turn. (Frank is fine. The wasps, not so much. )
My morning writing time was taken up with my novel, and the day fled past in a humid blur of busywork, but I’ve set myself this accountability task to post Silly Little Newsletter every fortnight, and I am intent on keeping my promise. So I thought I would send you a little document that always brings me joy.
In honour of the January vibe of Sorting Shit Out and the important role that the second-hand economy plays in my house-management systems, please find below the Facebook Marketplace document that I update every time something tickles my fancy. It’s a portal to joy. Enjoy!
Bra not included.
Note to slef: Don’t sample the muchroom choolate befaw riting the ad.
The ability to click non-existent buttons is intriguing…but I’m actually looking for a implied sauna.
Multi-purpose!
Truth in advertising.
Fabio recommends displaying ‘Rouge’ on a turntable or Lazy Susan. A great conversation piece! If the conversation begins and ends ‘wtf is on your Lazy Susan, Fabio’
It’s not the product but the process that is upsetting here. And I’m not even edlery.
The unnecessary specificity of ‘male’ makes this one special. Xmas gift for the ‘male’ who has everything!
Another one for the gender soldiers. ‘Woman Pads’
The $10, 000 freaky ET beanbag seller wants ‘no time wasters please’ . Kudos to the self-confidence, seller.
One question. What are you upgrading to?
No questions please. But no price given. This listing serves Maths teacher.
For the country vet who has everything.
When Marketplace won’t allow a photo of the magazine, you set a scene of how a consumer might enjoy the magazine. Well played, sir
Quiz! How many copper peenees can you fit in an ice cream container?
Exquisite drip painting spells luxury in your corporate display!
This free tea ad reads ‘we are moving overseas so if nobody wants these we’ll have to chuck them out’. Subtext: undiagnosed ADHD. Listing the pantry contents on Marketplace is not your focus right now, Jane!
Again, impressive self-confidence from Marketplace seller. Glass half full! Of gold dust!
In the spirit of ‘done is better than perfect’ that I wish to bring to 2024; I’ve got no recommendations this week, because this issue comes to you by the skin of my teeth!
Happy fortnight ahead, comrades. May your Marketplace be mad, your Covid tests negative and your flame-throwers effective, but safe.
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"Never worn", displaying photo of dress being worn.